Here I am, a full-time working mom of two. And let me tell you, it is the hardest job I’ve ever done. Ever since I came back from maternity leave after having Sawyer, my heart just hasn’t been fully in the game. I hate admitting that because I love my job – I work with the BEST people and I love what I do. But I can’t shake this feeling that’s been eating away at me for the past month…I want to be home with my kids more.
When I came back to work, I initially came back part-time. It was GLORIOUS. I was bringing in a paycheck again (albeit, not as big as what I’m used to) while managing the household AND spending time with the kiddos. For those four weeks, I felt like I had my shit together, which, let’s be honest, is no easy feat after having a baby. Life was balanced. It really boosted my confidence and had me thinking I really could do it all when I went back full-time.
Then everything went to shit.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve settled into a schedule since being back full-time, but I’ve been miserable. I only get to see my kiddos for a couple of hours at night and mornings are too chaotic to enjoy. My weekends are the time to get caught up on all of the housework. Seriously, what fun is that? And let’s not even talk about the clusterfuck you have to deal with when you come home after being gone for a weekend. Thankfully, I’ve found tools to help keep the house and my life under control, but those things aren’t always enough.
For me, this has been the hardest part of the transition from one kid to two kids. I definitely wasn’t feeling like this when I went back to work after Sydney was born. Maybe it’s knowing how fast the time goes and how precious it really is that has me feeling this way. Maybe it’s just me growing up and realizing what’s really important in my life. Or maybe it’s just realizing I have to split my time between two kids instead of dedicating it all to one. Who knows, really?
What I do know is it’s such a pickle to be in. Justin and I can’t afford to not have me working full-time. We’ve crunched the numbers and it just wouldn’t work for us. I think that’s a very common situation for working moms. A lot of us are forced to work simply because we can’t afford to not work.
So, what do you do? First off, know that it is completely normal to feel this way. You are certainly not alone. In fact, I’d be slightly worried if you weren’t feeling this way! When you bring a baby into this world, it’s only natural to want to spend time with him or her.
Try to improve your situation. See if you can negotiate flexible hours or work from home a couple days a week. Or pick up a side hustle to earn extra income and maybe go down to part-time at your current job. If nothing else, look for a job that can suit your needs. It’s not an easy thing to do, but you have to do what’s best for you and your family.
My daughter is going through a no sleep stage. I was up all night with her, and of course, at 6:30 this morning, she was up and ready to go. I ve been feeling bad all morning because I have been so sleepy. But when I was helping her use the bathroom she threw her arms around me and said, Mommy, you are my favorite! That type of love always helps with the mommy-guilt.